I saw the new Hobbit movie with my family this weekend. There was a ton of awesomely amazing stuff going on, obviously, but also plenty to complain about. And then the dragon finally arrived. And all was well.
December 1st proves to be a very conclusive day of the year. We're tearing through the final scraps of the Thanksgiving leftovers, finding ourselves at the sorry and bloated end of that deliciousness. The 365 days are in the final countdown, leading up to the ultimate countdown, where you throw glitter and drink champagne and kiss someone special at midnight. Or, if you're like me, chase a bottle of champagne with two dozen Jell-O shots, force yourself on a stranger, then throw up glitter around 9 am on January 1st. Tradition is tradition, after all.
But December 1st is obviously the very beginning of December, the month of Christmas. And obviously there are other holidays involved as well, but every store is not bombarded with a ruthless attack of Hanukkah colors, and radio stations are not flooded with half-ass covers of Kwanza carols by desperate "artists." It's Christmas that takes over.
But not on December 1st, when the holiday season officially begins. It takes over on November 1st. People are putting up their Christmas decorations and listening to All I Want for Christmas is You while skeletons are dancing in their neighbors yards. It's god damn unholy.
Now, don't misunderstand me to be a Grinch or a Scrooge. I love Christmas. Not as much as other holidays, like Halloween, or even my Jell-O shot induced, glitter vomiting New Years. But few people deck the halls harder than I do. My decking of halls is balls out. Starting today.
So, dear friends, I ask you.
WOULD IT HAVE BEEN SO GOD DAMN HARD TO WAIT TILL TODAY FOR CHRISTMAS SHIT?!
Please choose from the following responses:
a) No, it wouldn't, and I apologize for the prematurity of my Christmas celebrations. I have learned from my mistake and will reserve my holiday spirit for the holiday season.
b) Yes, it would have been, because I am weak and impatient and don't give a shit about what the calendar says. What is time, anyway? Who dictates when I should be able to celebrate that which I love? Also, would you like to come to my Christmas party? No one ever comes...I don't really have any friends.
Mme. Johanna is a SUNY Brockport alum and a gaudy jewelry enthusiast. At 29, this ambitious young woman can often be found declining event invites on Facebook and looking at pictures of her niece while she drinks wine on her couch, accompanied by her beloved dog, Dorothy Barker.