PT. I:
This is my brother.
This is my brother.
He is nary seen without a hat atop his brow. I know what you're thinking, and yes, they do make hats big enough to fit his big head.
One time, he was making fun of the (shitty) rice I made, so I threw some at him, and it got on his hat and he was very, very upset. Apparently, his hats are not cheap, and he loves them.
This counts as a hat.
Yesterday, this hat was left behind when he returned to his apartment after a weekend at our parents' house. (Based on this evidence, we can assume that it is sorely missed.)
PT. II:
This is me.
This is me.
I have not showered in exactly 4 days. (I'm actually a festering swamp creature that someone accidentally gave mascara to.)
Don't tell the government I escaped from their sewage system.
What can I do to cover up this disgusting situation atop my head?
Oh, a hat!
PT. III:
It's time for a hat adventure. Dare I say, a...HATVENTURE!!
PEDICURE HATVENTURE!
WATERING MY LUSCIOUS GARDEN HATVENTURE!
DISH WASHING HATVENTURE!
Oh god, this one has something rotten in it. (VIOLENT GAGGING HATVENTURE!)
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SWEATY SUNBATHING HATVENTURE!
A.K.A. There's something in my teeth hatventure.
DRINKING IN A POOL HATVENTURE!
ICE CREAM HATVENTURE!
LORD OF THE RINGS MARATHON HATVENTURE!
OPEN-MOUTH COUCH NAP HATVENTURE!
SNAPCHAT HATVENTURE!
It's not actually a snapback, but I'm a slave to a good pun.
PINTEREST IN BED HATVENTURE!
"Oh, that will look GREAT at my next Harry Potter party."
FINDING THE HAT IN MY CAR FIVE MONTHS LATER AND REMEMBERING THAT I'M STILL DOING THIS BIT HATVENTURE!
REALIZING THAT MY BROTHER LOVES THIS HAT MORE THAN HE LOVES ME SO HE PROBABLY WON'T FIND THIS AS FUNNY AS I DO HATVENTURE!
"My god..."
HIDING THE EVIDENCE HATVENTURE!
SNITCHES GET STITCHES.
"Nah, it's just a hat. He's a grown man, he'll get over it," HATVENTURE!
"How mad could he possibly be?" HATVENTURE!
This is a vision of naive optimism.
PT. IV:
We come now to the end of my Hatventures, for, like all protagonists on their Hero's Journey, the hat must go home. It was entirely underwhelming.
We come now to the end of my Hatventures, for, like all protagonists on their Hero's Journey, the hat must go home. It was entirely underwhelming.
I over-estimated how much he cares about anything.
And to conclude this touching tale, after months of bitching that I had his hat, he immediately shared it with someone he actually loves.
It's chilly over here in 2nd place.
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